Where's Mark been?

Hey! I think I mentioned in a recent post that things have been kinda crazy lately and that I would be filling you in soon. Well I guess soon is gonna right now.

About 3 weeks ago, one of my coworkers had the day off and we get a call from her saying she's leaving, can't give a two week notice, just has to pick her daughter up from school and is moving back to her parents' out of state. We have a pretty small staff at work, so we're kinda like family there anyway...so naturally we were concerned. Apparnently her boyfriend and she had gotten into an argument the night before (she found out he was cheating on her....again) and it turned physical. He ended up beating the crap out of her (again) and she was done.

We talked her into coming by the office that afternoon before leaving. So after she picked up her daughter, she came limping into the office with a black eye and all. She had some vacation time saved up so we talked her into taking her vacation to go to her parents and figure out what the best plan of action was. Of course we wanted her to stay, but we all knew the best thing for her and her daughter would be to go back to her parents' and her support system rather than staying up here and trying to make it on her own.

After her week off, she called to officially put in her two week notice so she could leave on a good note and move on. But...she still had to work out her final two weeks back here in SC so she had to come back. Obviously she wasn't going to move back into her (now ex-)boyfriend's house and getting a hotel for 2 weeks would have ended up costing her more than she would have made over those two weeks. So, since I live alone in a two bedroom house, I offered up my guest bedroom (her daughter was staying with her parents during this time). So...for the last 2 weeks, I've had a roommate here. Obviously she had a lot going on trying to take care of her final details up here and filing a police report against the scum bag and everything else, but we took the opportunity to go out and enjoy plenty too, lol.

All in all, it was a good time...she and I get along really well anyway so we had fun, but it was kinda a long and crazy 3 weeks dealing with the beating and all. She took pictures of all the bruising after it all showed up and she looked horrible. I mean covered in bruises! Of course, the ex filed some bogus report saying he told her he was tired of her being drunk all the time or something and she didn't take it well. He accused her of flipping out, locking him in the bedroom and beating him up, haha. We got a kick out of that considering she's all of 108 pounds standing about 5'6" and he's a big navy boy, haha. Oh, he also alleged that his roommate (a former navy boy) was a witness to this beating...as though between the two of them combined couldn't pull my coworker off of him, lol. I think he ended up withdrawing the report, or at least never pressed charges on it.

So yeah...that's been my last few weeks. Honestly...there are very very few people in the world I actively dislike. Almost no one I have such a distaste for that I really don't think I could even be in the same room with them. Or if I were out some where and ran into them I couldn't at least just ignore them and go about my business. But now there's definitely one person on that list in her ex bf. It's obviously a horrible thing that he beat her black and blue, broker her toe, everything else...I mean that's enough of a reason to hate the guy. But what's worse is he did all this while her 6 year old daughter was "asleep" upstairs and heard all this going on...I mean, that's the kinda of stuff that can scar a kid for life! Even more so...he had been cheating on her for a while, but was always around looking like the doting boyfriend through it all. He threw my coworker a birthday party last month and invited everyone from work over...trying to look all sweet, all the while he was messing around on the side. He basically pissed me off even more b/c he was acting like a nice guy trying to get me and everyone else to like him while he knew he was a dirtbag. If I had seen a dirtbag before, it'd be one thing...but to play us all like that? Ridiculous. Honestly...he's a little punk and if I do see him again, he'd better hope I'm not behind the wheel of a car...that's all I'm sayin!

...And it's only Monday!

Hey kids...still around. Things have been a little crazy lately. I'll fill you in on some of those details later. But right now...I thought I'd give you a quick summary of my day just to remind you that my life is still incredibly random! haha

So yeah...my day in a nutshell...


bloody stairs, dime bags of crack, talks of a promotion, super-glued penises, squealing golf cart tires, orthopedic shoes, myspace stalker/future roommate, The Hills, and Donovan Marcelle doing Tina Turner on Showtime at the Apollo


I'll have to fill you in on more specifics later...but it's waaay too late here. Oh, and the sad part? All in all, this really wasn't all that random of a day for me. Always something colorful...always something exciting! haha

Admission is the first step...

When I'm flying down the road at 15 or 20 over the speed limit, weaving in and out of traffic, flying through every yellow light to make it to the liquor store before it closes...maybe I should take it as a sign that I might have a problem. hahaha

Actually...I do have a problem. But that problem is not alcoholism, it's Blue Laws. See, lovely SC has some holdovers from their ridiculously conservative days (like last week, haha) known as Blue Laws. Basically they're just laws that enforce morality. Don't get me wrong...I tend to fall on the more conservative side of the tracks as far as morality is concerned (well...for most of the world, maybe a bit less so compared to SC), but these particular laws often just irk me.

The main law in question now is one requiring all liquor stores to close by 7 pm every night and not open at all on Sunday. 7:00???? Are you serious?! I guess the goal is to keep the drunks from heading to the store at 2 am and buying some malt liquor or something, but in reality, it just causes people to have to plan their drinking in advance. (Oh...for the record, I arrived at the store at 7:02, but they hadn't locked the door yet, so they let me run in and grab what I needed real quickly. I guess it might have been illegal, haha...I'm a bootlegger now, maybe!)

Last night being the USC Season Opener (that's Gamecocks...not Trojans...don't front!) (and I'm talking football, by the way), I had to grab a little adult beverage to take to my boss's house to watch the game. I picked up a bottle of my new favorite drink....Sweat Tea Vodka!! Seriously folks...it doesn't get too much more Southern than this, I know...but this stuff is great. If you live in the South, check your local package store and see if you can get it. This stuff is dangerous too. It tastes JUST like sweet tea...you don't even realize you're drinking until you go to stand up and things are a bit wobbly. Wow...it's great!

Anyway....other blue laws include: (In certain counties) nothing other than groceries and health and beauty products are allowed to be sold before 1:30 PM on Sundays. So that means Saturday at midnight, all the Super Wal-Marts have to rope off the non-grocery/health & beauty sections until 1:30. Also, I hear rumor that in certain counties, up until a few years before I moved to SC, you couldn't even go to the movies on Sundays b/c that was considered sinful or immoral or something. Ugh!!

Oh...and in case you were wondering, South Carolina shut out NC State 34-0!!! Whooo Hooo!!!

Those Mischievous Republicans!

A true crime occurred last weekend! Grand larceny in my opinion (although hardly even a crime in the eyes of the law, but that's beside the point). I was robbed!

At some point between when I returned home late Friday night/early Saturday morning and about 3ish in the afternoon on Saturday when I was wandering around my front yard, someone stole my Obama yard sign!! I know!!! Shocking! The literally just picked the sign up off the stakes and carried it away. So depressing!

Haha...I got the image of some geriatric John McCain supporters on their Rascals rolling by and being mischievous, posting videos on YouTube or something. In reality, though, it was probably just some of the neighborhood hoodlums that come from the next neighborhood over and walk down my street to get to the stores and stuff. I think assuming there were some political motives behind the thievery is giving the perpetrators far too much credit, but I can believe!

On that note, I'm sitting here watching the opening of the DNC. I don't think I ever mentioned it on the blog (it was during my summer hiatus) but, following the heated primaries, I decided I needed an election break before losing my mind (or be one of those crazy obsessed politicos with nothing else to do with his life). I decided then that I would virtually ignore the campaigns until at least Convention time and then hop back on board for the remaining 3 months. Guess I'm back on board (and ready to order a new sign).

Overheard at Taco Bell

Remember my obsession with Taco Bell? Well I was having lunch there today and I overheard a Rhodes Scholar at the table behind me. She was chatting with her boyfriend at a volume loud enough for pretty much the entire restaurant to hear. Here's a few highlights from her chat:

"See that sign that says '79 cents makes sense'? Shouldn't it say c-e-n-t-s instead of s-e-n-s-e? Isn't that what they meant?"

"Ooh, I saw a typo on the Closed Captioning the other day." (which, as we all know, is practically the MLA standard of writing) "Well, at least I think I did. The Korean woman was asking why she couldn't find (something) and they put the question mark outside of the quotation marks. I think I was always taught they go inside the quotes. But maybe that's wrong."

I think there were others, but that's all I could remember...and all I could stomach before my lunch was done. It's nice that she was kind enough to share her genius with the entire restaurant. I'm sure we all needed something to blog about today. Although I think I wondered more about the guy who was there with her. I mean, how could he really sit there and listen to that kind of high brow conversation day in and day out without going insane? I could only imagine what might come out of his mouth, haha.

Only Mark 2.0, or Beta, or something

Yeah, I don't really know all those technical software terms, but the point is, I'm back. But, since I doubt anyone still reads this at all, we'll call it a relaunch, haha. (sounds much more exciting that way anyway)

Sorry for the lack of activity. I think I really just ran out of things to say, lol. I was looking for a new job for a long time and, without a job to go to and without a ton of money to go out and live a life, there really just wasn't that much happening for me to write about, lol. At least not the kinda of stuff I was posting all over the blog.

But...now I have a new job. Been doing it for a little while now and I love it. I swear most days that it needs to be a reality show. Some of the crazy drama that goes on there...haha...Bravo would eat it up! Seriously, I don't think we could ever get our corporate office to agree to it, but it would be waaay better than that stupid "Stagers" show they have. (Sidenote...when I went to Bravo's website to link to that show, I couldn't find it. Was it that bad that they are already denying making it? haha) I mean, my work place is just about as colorful and exciting as Jeff Lewis's office, but we have a bunch of clients to add to the craziness, lol. I'm sure you'll hear more little tidbits about my work in the near future, but the point is I really do love it. And even when there's drama and craziness, for probably the first time ever, I actually enjoy going to work everyday.

So yeah...after an extended summer vacation, it's time to get back on the horse (or wagon...or whatever...I'm really bad at colloquialisms...always mess them up) and get back to writing.

If you're still reading (or even if you never read before and just started) leave a comment and let me know!

Welcome to my life...

So I was hungry just now and went to the pantry to find nothing I really wanted to snack on. I had half a bag of chocolate chips in there leftover from...well who knows. Anyway, having no food I thought briefly "Oh, I'll just make some cookies...that could be tasty (in like 2 hours when I finally finished...and knowing me...they probably won't be all that tasty)."

So, I start reading the back of the bag to see what all I need to make cookies. Turns out, I didn't have about half of the ingredients, so I scrapped that idea.

Now I'm sitting on the sofa snacking on...half a bag of chocolate chips! haha

Stereotypes are fun......

.....especially when the complete opposite happens.

So I'm in Atlanta last week, rolling through Buckhead, up Peachtree. Weather was nice, windows were down.

I pull up at a traffic light next to this black guy in a convertible. I was rather annoyed because the music coming from his car was so loud I had to turn up my radio just to hear what I was listening to in my car.

Yep, he was blaring Michael Buble so loudly that it interfered with the rap music I was playing in my car.

I laughed at the irony.

Still alive...

...don't worry.

I'll be back soon, I promise!

Lame Cop Out Post

Alright...I recognize this isn't a real post. But, for some reason, I'm still not feeling like getting around to writing about all the life I've been living lately. Sorry...I guess I'll just have to write a big summary post for you soon to cover it all at once.

In the meantime, I thought I'd keep you entertained with this cop-out post. Someone sent me this list as an e-mail forward this week (FYI...I don't like e-mail forwards, so don't let this give you any ideas) and I thought I'd share it with you. It's one of those "You know you are.......if..." lists that people like to make. This one is "You know you live in Florida if..." or something like that. I guess overall it's fairly accurate. Some are pretty funny, some are definitely a uniqueness to FL (#14, #26), while others are probably a little more general for other places as well (#24, #34). Some of these items seem to tailor this list more specifically to the central Florida area where I'm from (#37, #41), while others just don't seem to make much sense for anywhere (#13, #32).

Anyway...I've realized (when I do post) so much of this blog has become more about the boringness of my day to day life and I want to begin adding in some of the fun nuances and differences between life in FL and life here in the South. Maybe I'll dig up a list of the South to sort of compare and contrast, haha. Well...here's the list...those of you from Florida, feel free to add your comments and thoughts! :)


1. Socks are only for bowling.
2. You never use an umbrella because you know the rain will be over in five minutes.
3. A good parking place has nothing to do with distance from the store, but everything to do with shade.
4. Your winter coat is made of denim.
5. You can tell the difference between fire ant bites and mosquito bites.
6. You're younger than thirty but some of your friends are over 65.
7. Anything under 70 is chilly.
8. You've driven through Yeehaw Junction.
9. You could swim before you could read.
10. You have to drive north to get to The South.
11. You know that no other grocery store can compare to Publix.
12. Every other house in your neighborhood had blue roofs in 2004-2005.
13. You've gotten out of school early on Halloween to trick or treat before it got dark.
14. You know that anything under a Category 3 just isn't worth waking up for.
15. You dread love bug season.
16. You know what a snowbird is and when they'll leave.
17. You think a six-foot alligator is actually pretty average.
18. You were twelve before you ever saw snow, or you still haven't.
19. 'Down South' means Key West.
20. You think New York drivers licenses should only be valid in New York.
21. Flip-flops are everyday wear.
22. Shoes are for business meetings and church,
23. but you HAVE worn flip flops to church before.
24. Sweet tea can be served at any meal.
25. An alligator once walked through your neighborhood.
26. You smirk when a game show's 'Grand Prize' is a trip or cruise to Florida.
27. You measure distance in minutes.
28. You have a drawer full of bathing suits, and one sweatshirt.
29. You get annoyed at the tourists who feed seagulls.
30. A mountain is any hill 100 feet above sea level.
32. You think everyone from a bigger city has a northern accent.
33. You know the four seasons really are: hurricane season, love bug season, tourist season and summer.
34. It's not soda, cola, or pop. it's coke, regardless of brand or flavor: 'What kinda coke you want?'
35. Anything under 95 is just warm.
36. You've hosted a hurricane party.
37. You go to a theme park for an afternoon, and know when to get on the best rides. (Space Mountain during the Electric Light Parade!)
38. You understand the futility of exterminating cockroaches.
39. You can pronounce Okeechobee, Kissimmee, Ichnatucknee and Withlacoochee.
40. You understand why it's better to have a friend with a boat, than owning a boat yourself.
41. Bumper stickers on the pickup in front of you include: various fish, NRA, NASCAR, Go Gators, and a confederate flag.
42. You were 5 before you realized they made houses without pools.
43. You were 25 when you first met someone who couldn't swim.
44. You've worn shorts and used the A/C on Christmas.
45. You recognize Miami-Dade as 'Northern Cuba'.
46. You are on a first name basis with the Hurricane list. They aren't Hurricane Charley, Hurricane Frances...but Charley, Frances, Ivan and Jeanne.

(Blogging) Vacation

Sorry I've been sorta MIA as of late. I have no good reason other than, well, I haven't really wanted to, haha. It's certainly not for a lack of blogging fodder. I've had quite a few blog-worthy events over the last few weeks, as well as a few old stories I still owe you from before. Maybe soon I'll be back on the ball.

I actually have a post saved that I started last week, but was feeling uninspired halfway through and quit, haha.

Anyway...it's quite late now and I've had a long, but productive Saturday. So now I'm gonna go pass out. :) See ya soon!!

(Oh yeah...TV is finally coming back on. Yay!!! Perhaps this will call for the the resurgence of "What's in Mark's DVR?" Well...maybe if I get all those other thousands of posts out of the way first.)

Bring it!

Sorry kids, I just needed to hear this song. And, well, it's my blog, so you get to hear it too!

I recommend turning it up and singing along really loudly...even if you're at work. That always helps me. Oh, and if you can manage to have it playing and sing along while you're in the shower, the water cascading down you adds a very dramatic effect.

Anyway, this has pretty much been my last year and a half or so. But I haven't lost all my fight yet...so bring it on!